Holding it Together

I remember when I was younger I would “play house” a lot. I would take my baby doll and care for her (I only had girl babies – why does a little girl need boys anyways?!) and then of course make meals in my plastic kitchen and take my baby girl for a stroll in her stroller. Recently I have looked back on those days and think about how crazy it is that I am now playing real life house.  

Some could say that I’m living out my childhood dreams. Except I’ve realized quickly that the adult house is far less predictable, planned, or easy. And surprise, surprise there are BOY babies in the real world. What?!!! (love ya, Carter) And there are husbands who help make joint decisions! And not everything you make in the real kitchen tastes good. Oh, and the babies in the real world aren’t silent!!!

I recently learned the lesson that when you reallllly want things to go smoothly, those are the moments when they most certainly will not! Carter has been great. He’s been such a good little baby 95% of the time. It’s the 5% of the time that I get a little worried about J. Some days Carter decides that he will have his meltdown during the 10 minute window that we have a guest after being good all day!!!! I have seriously thought, can you just hold it together child?! Please for your parents dignity!!

This morning I was reading in Colossians.

Colossians 1:17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

In HIM, all things hold together. I needed to hear this. Because real life doesn’t go like the life where baby dolls are silent, plastic kitchens always cook perfect plastic meals, and mamas are always loving and nice. You can step away from make-believe life when you get tired of playing. Real life hasn’t given me a break. And yet, in real life God gives me an assurance. He is before all things. In Him all things hold together.

My parenting, my marriage, my life – they are all held together by the great creator of it all after I trusted in him. When I take control of my life, I worry that things aren’t going according to plan. I’m motivated by selfishness, pride, and vanity. I want things in life to look as perfect as they did in make-believe life.

It’s reassuring to know that even despite life’s imperfections, he holds my life together. He didn’t design a circumstance I can’t handle. When I let God hold together my life he takes the mess of life and makes it something to bring him glory. He takes my imperfections and covers them with the blood of Christ.

You see the imperfect wife and mother sees her need for God. She kneels down in the quiet of the morning and realizes that she wasn’t created to do it alone. She realizes that real life is a lot better than make-believe life. The smile that her not-so-quiet baby makes, it is a gift from God. The love that her husband gives as he works so hard for her and her family, it is a gift from God. And that terrible meal that she made in her real kitchen, well she’s still learning how it’s a gift from God J

Supercharged

Do you ever feel like you hit roadblocks in your spiritual life? You know you need to spend alone time with God, but don’t know how. You may even carve out time and then the distractions, the noises, the clutter come flowing in.  Our lives are incredibly “supercharged”.

 Yesterday one of my friends was talking about a supercharged Corvette. I am not a car person, so of course I’ve never heard of this kind of car. But as my friend went on a ride in this Corvette it went from 70mph to 90mph in a matter of seconds. Now that’s way cooler than my car, because I’m pretty sure my car would start shaking if I attempted to go 90mph. That’s probably a good thing, because the road is a lot safer with me not driving that fast.

 But this morning, I looked forward to spending quality time with God due to my morning off. And I carved out a chunk of time. And it was almost like I was antsy. I couldn’t get settled. So I begged Logan to make us coffee, hoping that would bring focus. Then I listened to music hoping that would tune my heart to singing joyful songs to the Lord! And then I was thinking- “I’m finally ready to sit and do a quiet time!” Just as I was finally getting “mentally prepared” I began to hear builders in our neighborhood stapling a house behind us or whatever they do. And I thought in my head “These people!!! I can’t focus in this house!” So I surveyed the room and saw the pile of laundry in my bedroom and I thought well maybe I should just start my morning chores!

 You see, this was not only my thought process this morning, it’s almost as if it happens many mornings. I hit roadblocks, as I want to spend quality time with God. And then as the Corvette story came back into my head, I had a realization. I expect to get supercharged in my relationship with God. I want to go from slumber to super focused in a matter of seconds! I want to go from helpless to holy in a matter of seconds.

 I think we live in a supercharged culture. “Go!” the world tells us, “go fast”, “ go without thinking”, “go pursue your dreams”, “go get your goals.” And we as humans do everything in our human power to make it all happen. Now, I’m not saying that I believe all of these things are bad. But the speed is. Because in our haste, in our speed, we are able to serve our own desires, without thinking of cause and effect, without thinking of what we truly believe or what God calls us to do.

 And we cannot separate ourselves from it. I’m always looking for the fast track, the easy track, the fun track. And I come to God expecting the same kind of speed, the same kind of results. I expect to have a supercharged relationship with Him. Results, actions, speed! And not just in a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years! But NOW!!!! When I don’t feel this speed with God immediately, like the world gives me, I want to quickly move onto the next item. I want something that will give me a feeling of speed, of fastness, of accomplishment.

 But what if I slowed down a little? What if I slowed down a lot? I wonder. Would I hear things differently? Would I be different? Instead of bringing God my schedule that says “Look God, I have about 15min for quiet time. Let’s make it easier for you and me. Can you just go ahead and speak to me in that 15min? Tell me something ground breaking in my 15min I give you. Tell me something life changing.” And we wonder why God hasn’t supercharged our lives in his allotted time frame. I sit here, and I instantly get it. You see in my life I demand God to move in my time I give him instead of realizing that every second of my time is a gift from Him. It’s ALL His; it was never mine to begin with. I’m here for His purpose, every second of my time. So why don’t I surrender to him every second of the day that I’m walking on this earth? It’s got to be pretty insulting to God, that we somewhat constrict God to moving in a time frame instead of always.

 And then I thought of Jesus’ first miracle in John 2 – Jesus Changes Water to Wine. Jesus was attending a wedding and they ran out of wine. Jesus’ mother went up to him and said “they have no more wine” (v3) and Jesus replied “Dear Woman, why do you involve me? My time has not yet come. (v4)” In other words Jesus said – Mom, really, right now? Why are you doing this now? I don’t think this is my time to shine yet! And suddenly, almost instantly there is a change in Verse 7. Jesus became supercharged. The wine turned to water. He went from 70mph to 90mph in a matter of seconds. He went from helpless to holy in a matter of seconds. Now I never really saw any significance in this story until today. I never even imagined this story would be relevant to being supercharged. But I think the key is that it comes in God’s timing not ours. It comes in His 15 minutes that he gives us, not the 15 minutes we give him. So walk around knowing that if God is in you, he will work in wonderful ways, he will work unexpectedly. He will change water to water in His own timing.

Once I acknowledged the fact that it comes in His timing and not my own, I instantly overcome my roadblocks. I quit limiting when and how God would work. I realized that God can and will work in his timing and how he wants to! So will God supercharge us? My hope is yes! I think he will! Let’s tune our hearts to the power that comes from Jesus alone. Not from our own willpower. Maybe some days it will come fast, maybe some days it will come slowly. Whenever it does come, let’s be ready! Let’s live life knowing he can and will change any second of our days!

Accomplishment and Reflection

It has been SO long since I have been able to blog. I have almost forgotten that I know how to blog. And looking at some of the dust that has accumulated on my bible is a little disappointing. These past couple of months have been crazy busy. You think, oh life surely will not be as busy in the summer! WRONG! It’s more busy.  I’m realizing there will never be a season in life that is “not busy.”

This semester has been so great though. I had not sat down, until today, to really reflect on all of the wonderful things that have happened.  For those that know me, know I am a goal-oriented person. In December/January I started to formulate some of my goals. The first goal was to run a half marathon. Again, for those that know me, know that I am not very athletic and had never run more than 2 miles before I started training for the Bearathon. By the grace of God, I survived without crawling to the finish line (even despite strong urges). 

My second goal, was to pass and complete the 4 sections of the Certified Public Accountant exam. I started the process of studying in January. I had no idea how hard it would be. It zapped my mental strength every day I studied. Thankfully, yesterday I found out I passed all 4 exams. Praise the Lord! As close friends and family would tell you, there was not a single test I felt like I passed walking out of the exam. By the grace of God, I am done with my tests!

My third goal, was to move and get settled in Houston and find a church home. I became an official member of First Baptist Houston last weekend. By the grace of God, I found an awesome place to live close to downtown, a great roommate, I start work at Deloitte next week and have a new church to call home.

It feels great to accomplish things. As I talked about in past blogs, I LOVE checking things off the list. So this week, is the first week without a single thing to check off my list (besides the monotonous chores of cleaning and laundry – that can wait right?)I have one week of freedom until I start work and I don’t even know what to do with myself.  Should I pick up my study materials again and study for fun? What about running again?  Should I look for a new place to live? You see the past couple of months I have become so distracted with life that I have slowly forgotten who inspired my goals, hopes, and desires. So now, in the quietness of life with no exotic trips, people to see, things to study for, I sit here feeling a little empty. I had filled up my schedule with goals and achieving that the goals themselves became a distraction. It’s really hard to admit that, because all of me wants to say what I did the past couple of months has been SO great and I have a lot to be proud of. God softly tells me that this is not true. 

This morning I opened up my quiet time, the first time, in a month and God spoke to me like only He does through Philippians 2. 

Paul tells the people:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

To me, this hit home today.  If I have any encouragement in being united with Christ (which I do the day I became a Christian) then Paul is saying be moved by something greater than myself. This passage tells me to have the same love as Christ, devoting my mind and spirit to this goal.  On top of it, he tells me to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. This is where I am personally convicted, because looking back at the list of the goals and accomplishments I am called to separate myself from them in order to not have vain conceit or selfish ambitions. This is really hard, because the physical Lindsay did all of these things. I ran every 13.1 miles of the way. Believe me, I took every 3-4 hour torturous test. I moved a lot of boxes into my house and I interviewed for my job. And God tells me to separate myself from my accomplishments in order to do nothing out of selfish ambition? At first I am instantly deflated.  But I am called to be moved by something greater than myself. I am called to give up my accomplishments to Him in order to have humility. I am called to value others above me. You see, God knows me and my heart and my sinful nature so well that he knows if I were to start hanging my hat on my list of my accomplishments I would most definitely let it get in the way of reaching others. It would most definitely get in the way of living a higher purpose in life, where I am called to be His hands and feet and to love others. Because the only reason I was ever able to accomplish anything is through the strength of Christ Jesus in me (Philippians 4:13)

12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

The middle of the passage is great, I recommend that you read it but I am going to point out verses 12 and 13.  It’s like Paul speaks exactly to me. He said, friends- continue obeying. I do feel like I have obeyed God’s call in my life. I don’t feel like I have strayed from God’s will, I just feel like I have let it overcome me. So I should continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. You see, God planted my will and desires in my heart. He did it to fulfill His good purpose- not mine. Which is why I should separate myself from accomplishments and who I am. I can stand here today knowing that I would accomplish nothing on my own. Because of this, to God be the glory. 

So dear Lord, thank you for this day. In this day spiritually I have achieved more than I have in the past 2 months of “achieving.” By the grace of God, I had a morning of quiet sitting in my PJs and not really even getting out of bed. I did nothing compared to all that I have done. But I learned a big lesson. That if I let any of the superficial accomplishments get to my head, then slowly I will become focused on the things I can do. I become focused on my own strength, my own plans, my own life. Slowly I become overcome with achieving, busyness, and my self-seeking goals become empty. The busyness distracts me from the maker of my will and desires, the one who planted my goals and desire so that I could serve HIS purpose not my own.

I leave you with a dream I had recently. A dream that was so vivid and clear that I know it could only be from God.  I dreamed that I was inspired by a friend’s blog. And all I really remember from this dream-blog was 2 pictures. One of Lindsay’s plan and one of God’s plan.

The first image of our human plan/Lindsay’s plan was a path shaped like a tree. You know, starting off on the trunk of God’s plan – the straight path. Like being motivated by God, being inspired by God, like in the story of my goals. I believe God planted desires in my heart to serve his purpose. Then as time passes, many paths slowly veering off the trunk, like the branches of the tree. You know there are so many paths that you could follow as the tree grows, winding and curving. Life gets a little confusing. And our plans get a little twisted and grow in all sorts of directions. Suddenly we start growing away from God- growing away from the trunk. Our best efforts and plans are always a little disorganized- like we can see one branch growing one way and the other growing the other way and suddenly we get kind of confused and overwhelmed by the different directions life seems to be headed. It’s like we get focused on the things we can do, and become overcome that slowly we grow away from God.

The second image was a picture of God’s plan- a very simple image. The image had one main path (similar to the trunk of the tree) but 2 paths branching from it. One path veered towards the left and the other to the right.

As I couldn’t get the thought of this dream out of my head, I went ahead and drew a little picture of how I saw the dream. The first image was a tree, and the second was something spectacular. The second image I saw in the dream was a cross. It was 1 path, 2 paths veering out of it- one towards the left and right. I was instantly moved. 

I was moved because in my sleep, God told me that getting consumed with my ideas, ambitions and goals would always be confusing because each branch veers AWAY from the trunk. However, God’s plan leads to the cross. God provides just enough clarity so that we can see the cross. That’s all we need to see. We don’t need to see all the ways our lives will curve and grow (like a tree’s branches) because growing with God is growing to be humbled at the foot of the cross. To be overwhelmed by the things HE has done- not the things I could ever do. Growing with God means to take on the cloak of humility so that I alone can be NOTHING of worth without HIS presence in me. So that everything I ever achieve points to HIM, not me. You see, I am an imperfect and sinful human. I will ALWAYS have fault. But if God uses my achievement for HIS good and his will, his power in me will make me something. And at then end of the day I can hang my hat on heavenly accomplishments, and not earthly ones.  As an old hymn states, To God be the Glory, great things HE HAS DONE!

Peace

Peace

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful. 28 You have heard Me tell you, 'I am going away and I am coming to you.' If you loved Me, you would have rejoiced that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I. 29 I have told you now before it happens so that when it does happen you may believe. 30 I will not talk with you much longer, because the ruler of the world is coming. He has no power over Me.” John 14:27-31

I feel like peace is a trait that many of us want and few know how to get. I am always telling myself that peace and harmony is something I strive for. I try to be calm, cool, and collected- until the very instant that something frazzles me and the whole peace talk goes out the door. I let the emotions get to me, the feeling of anger, the feeling of hurt, the feeling of sadness overtakes the idea of peace. These emotions sit in my heart and fester, and suddenly I begin to feel wronged, betrayed, or let down by somebody. I prepare myself for battle, because I think nobody should treat anybody that way, especially not me. They aren’t going to run ME over. Some weeks this scenario happens way too often. I start to realize that peace has not been found and I have made a mess with my words and angry actions that often takes days to clean up.

I have really been struggling with this whole peace thing. I want it, but don’t know how to embody it. I really don’t want to be run over. I want to prove my point, to show that I am not the kind of person that sits around- I am a “do-er”, I will fight fires, and restore the peace in my relationships, in my life, in my heart. 

In John 14:27, we are given a gift from Jesus- the gift of Peace. Jesus is preparing his disciples for his death but he gives them a special “going away present”, one that the world will never offer, Peace. I think Jesus lived in the world long enough to know that we on our own could never find peace. We just aren’t peaceful people. It’s not that everybody is some sort of violent, chaos causing being- but I feel like the natural tendency of our human hearts isn’t to find peace in every situation. It took Jesus Christ to come in and show us what peace looks like on daily basis. When he was misunderstood, mocked, and beat down he said, “turn the other cheek”, “love your neighbor as yourself”, “father-forgive them.”

I think the biggest hindrance to me achieving peace- is that I want to promote my own agenda. I want to serve my purposes. And all of the things associated with my purpose, my goals, my life usually has ME at the center of them (go figure!) You see in the passage above Jesus gives peace- but he doesn’t give it to the disciple’s so they can promote their own agendas. He gives it and explains the big sacrifice he is going to make. He gives the gift of peace so that the disciples could handle Jesus dying a brutal death. That, if you ask me, is not about us at all. It’s about the God of the universe wanting his glory to be shown so that he may reign above all.

Jesus tells the disciples “Let your heart not be troubled or fearful.” I think this is where he tells us to not let the emotions get to us. Yes, we will all be wronged, run over, and beat down. Hopefully it is for the right reasons, like taking a stand for God and our values. The passage doesn’t say “your heart will never be troubled or fearful”. Jesus tell us to not let our hearts be controlled by emotions because He has provided us the peace that he will be with us always.

Some times we must keep quiet so that God can work in other people’s lives. When we are loud, kicking and screaming, it is really hard for people on every side of the situation to see God work. The person throwing the tantrum distracts everyone. We have to have absolute faith that “God works for the good for those who love him.” (Romans 8:28)  It doesn’t say Lindsay works for the good for her friends and family. Alone, I am an un-peaceful person. It’s just the way I was made. God is the greatest love story for every person. So let somebody be nasty, hateful, rude, mean, mocking. It could be apart of their story. Our story, is that we were all at that same point too when we were unsaved. Now that we are saved, we should reflect the image of God.

Let our hearts not be troubled, so that God can provide peace. Let God provide peace so that we are all equipped to deal with the things that are too big for us to handle. Even though, not everything will go our way, not everybody will treat us right, and not every situation will make us look better this is all a part of God’s greater story. You know, the Easter story, the love story, the redemption story. When our perfect savior, died a brutal death and rose again so that we may live again. We don’t have to deal with the minutia, the small things. We just should accept the gift of peace that comes from Christ Jesus alone. So maybe that means biting my tongue, walking away, loving the mean and unlovable. Because Jesus Christ loved me when I wasn’t even worth loving. He died for me, when he knew all of the mistakes I would make. On top of it all, he provides peace along the way for each one of us. Peace be with you today! 

Now what?

I hope everyone had a great and relaxing Easter weekend. Easter for me this year was such a break and I enjoyed spending time with family.

Do any of you ever have such a great weekend that you wonder, now what? You experience joy to the fullest, fun to the max, and activities galore. You wonder how life seriously could get any better. For the next couple of days, the greatness of the weekend buzzes in your mind. Work, school, chores don’t seem to be so bad because you are filled to the brim with the memories of the weekend.  Even days far removed from the weekend, I even have a little smile on my face, because I can look back and recall the memories that brought me so much joy. Its like weekends like that are fuel for life. We all need them every once in a while. We all need to be in our element for a couple of days, filling ourselves back up so that we can have motivation for the mundane tasks in life.

This morning I woke up, with Easter still on my mind. Now what? Now that Easter is over what do I do? What the ‘hoopla’ of Easter really mean? More importantly, how do we really let the Easter story live on in your life all of the other 364 days of the year?

This past weekend I have been a bystander in a beautiful story, watching as Christ took my place on a cross and rose again. I wasn’t personally there to experience any of the greatness of the day, however I reap the greatness of the benefits. As we follow Christ’s journey to the cross, it is a story about who we inherently are, and what HE can only do. For many people it can stop there. We were born into sin, we will always have sinful ways, and this is a problem that only the cross can fix.

Maybe if you are like me, you think in death of Christ, there is nothing we can do. We simply, year after year, should watch Christ go to the cross and rise again. We have no control over our sinful ways, it happened last year and it will happen this year. It almost seems like every year, if I had a place in the Easter story I would be a crowd member shouting towards his death. I would be piercing his nails into the cross. 

The Easter story has such bigness about it. It is so much bigger than I am. It is an idea that my mind cannot even comprehend. Clearly, it doesn’t make sense. A sinless man died such a BIG death, being charged like the most rotten criminal of his time.  This man rose again, conquering such death so that we may have BIG lives. And sometimes in the bigness of the story, I wonder where such a small sinner fits in to the greatness of it all.

This morning I was reading in Romans 6 and God spoke to me like only He could.

 1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.  

It’s like Paul had a similar thought process. It verse 1, he asks the same question. Now what? “What shall we say, then?” What shall we do? It’s like maybe he had the same revelation as me on Easter.  I was hit hard with the fact that I am a sinner. I was hit hard with the fact that Jesus died to take MY place, because of all of MY sin. After realizing I am guilty for Christ’s death because of my sinful ways, what do I do now? Will I always be just the bystander screaming towards Jesus’ death? “Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?” Paul says by no means! “We have died to sin; how can we live it any longer?” If we have accepted Christ Jesus as our savior and believe the story to be true in our whole hearts, we have truly died to sin. We will not be enslaved to sin any longer.

Then Paul begins explaining in Verses 4 and 5 how we really fit into the Easter story on a daily basis.

“We were buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.”

This is so powerful for me. It’s like in the story of Easter my place is no longer just a bystander cheering towards Christ death. I am not simply watching it all happen like reading a story. I am free from my sin and no longer enslaved to my sinful nature. Paul defines my place in the story. He says that I too was buried with Christ through baptism so that I may live a new life. When I became a Christian, the old me died.  And if I was truly united with him in his death, I will also be united with him in his resurrection. Verse 11 says “In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive in Christ Jesus.”

So this is all pretty deep stuff. But it is so powerful and life changing. Because for the story of Easter to live on in me on a daily basis, for it to rock my world the rest of the 364 days, I must have died to my sin just like Christ died on the cross. And just as Christ was raised from the dead, I must live a new life. I can no longer look at the story of Easter from afar. I must LIVE the story of Easter. Every day.

It’s really easy to hold onto my sinful ways. It’s really easy to go to Easter service and be so appreciative for what Christ has done and celebrate Easter like it is means so much to me. But does it mean enough, that I too would reflect the story of Easter in your life? I am convicted here.  Because I love the magic of Easter, I love what it stands for, I love the bigness of it all. But I have to rise up to the challenge. I have to take the next step. I have to move from being a small sinner, to being redeemed through nothing else but the power of Christ. 

Hopefully for you Easter was such a great weekend. Hopefully the story rocked your core and moved you. I hope that you are asking the question, now what? The power of the Easter story should fill every Christian to the brim, overflowing with the greatness of the story. It should make the mundane tasks bearable. I think, that this week I will focus on how the story of Easter lives on in me. Have I died to all my sins? Am I reflecting a new life, just as Jesus Christ rose again? I am encouraged by Romans 6:14.

“For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.”

May the grace of God move in me. 

To be, or not to be.

So it really has been such a long time since I have written a blog post. So so long! I have been busy being overwhelmed with life. Unfortunately I haven’t taken the time to really sit down and blog. Some days it feels like I can barely keep my head above the water. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like its so hard to sit down and do the things you really enjoy, to enjoy the quietness, beauty, and people in life?

But here I am, better late than never.  As I approach a huge time of change in my life, I have really started to wonder who I will be in this BIG big world. Where I fit in as an adult. What I stand for. What I actually believe. Who I want to be. All of these questions seem to be just as BIG as the world I live in. And I don’t have any of the answers.

I’m going to be honest, in a time like this it’s hard to rely on God. Because I want to make the answers happen for myself. I want to make my plans appear and come to fruition. And it’s like God slowly, very slowly, gives me a little hint of what the future will look like daily.  I want to plan my career, to plan my family, to plan my schedule to the T the next 10 years. (I seriously could if I wasn’t going to be viewed as crazy!)

And in the midst of my schedule, my lists, and my wants therein lies something mysterious, the unknown. I don’t know how to handle the unknown, because that causes a big block in my schedule, it causes greyness in my life and I like black and white. 

The unknown festers in my heart, stirring anxiety, frustration, and disappointment. Because the more unknown, the more I cling to what I feel comfortable with. The things I can plan out, the things I can physically hold onto. The plans, the ideas, the memories. The more I hold onto that structure, the more I let go of my freedom. I become enslaved to the idea that the unknown could be scary, big, and overwhelming.  

So as I wonder who I am today and who I will be tomorrow I am reminded to just simply be. At this point you are probably think I’m jumping into the crazy pool and I’m a tad OCD- which all could be true. You think, to simply be what? Be you.

God has hand placed our situations, in our life circumstances, our stresses, concerns and he is in control of all of them.  And all he wants us to do is love with our whole hearts. Be who we are.  The bible is full of commands, of things we should do, of the person we should strive to be.

So instead of trying to define myself with some elaborate terms, some deep thought processes maybe I will just sit back and simply exist. Because if we step back and devote our full hearts to him, He will take care of the details. He will do everything If I allow him to. He will be my all, if I allow him to take that place. And I can take one deep sigh of relief because God makes it easy for me. He doesn’t give me all the answers today, but he will always be faithful to me. He will never let me down.  All I need to do is just enjoy life, take a deep breath, and love others. That’s an easy job. Let me just be.